None of the illustrated techniques make sense in themselves, none of them are effective in themselves. Quite the opposite: If the psychological process consists of constant, simultaneous and parallel-running decisions, it is clear that the limitation to one, two, or three of the guiding processes by the counsellor will give too few stimuli and too …
People have responsibility for which social environment they create for themselves, how they view persons with whom they spend time, how they shape the relationships with them and what attitudes towards them they carry. Therefore, the inclusion of the environment is highly relevant. Often is not that comfortable for clients to be confronted with the …
In terms of this metatheory, there can be no objective, fixed and absolute norms and rules of behaviour. They are always chosen implicitly or explicitly and affect all psycho-dynamic processes. What seems forbidden, for example, is experienced as fixed, is unconsciously internalised, keeps prohibited impulses as diffuse as possible, inhibits false needs, hides forbidden urges, …
The counsellor needs special competences to support the client in his identification with all existing internal representations. Why? If, in an internal conflict, you are identified with only one of your self-representations (“Surely this is an opportunity and really no reason to be afraid!”), and not at all with the other (“This coward, I don’t …
One focus of all effective counselling lies in supporting the client to find a type of ‘order’ from an internal mishmash of impulses and thoughts. So long as everything is in a muddle, people cannot change (“On the one hand it irritates me, but then I think…!” “Somehow, I like him, and when he then…, …
Occupying oneself with the client’s biographical past is often a sign that the counselling should be described as therapy, whilst coaching and other formats actually occupy themselves with the present situation of the client. Unfortunately, this is not very helpful for coaching. Why? Independent from the issues which the client brings into counselling, one must …
Always having to succeed or never permitting yourself to be successful – both are a certain indication of avoidance. He who must always succeed (“The person who comes second is the first of the losers!”) gives up his freedom on account of an external event which he can only partly control and which rests upon …
Constantly seeking conflict, or always avoiding it, are both frequently an indication of avoidance, usually avoidance of closeness or distance. Bonding issues, in close relationships, manifest themselves very easily by an over-adaptation (conflict avoidance) or by a constant striving for power, submission and autonomy. Such patterns quite often occur, particularly in leadership roles. Therefore, it …
Preferably, you seek out people who have nothing which cause you difficulty: perfect bosses, dream partners, functioning children, happy colleagues etc. This strategy is chosen by many people, maybe not quite as strikingly and naïvely as described here. This is dysfunctional, because an ideal ‘other’ does not exist. Everyday common sense will tell you that. …
Not doing something which triggers fear, shame, guilt, etc. surely belongs to the most frequent avoidance strategies. Unpleasant feelings are understood as an inner signal not to do something or not to continue doing something. Of course, if someone has heard statements such as “That’s dangerous!”, “Aren’t you ashamed?”, or “You know that you are …