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Need for Closeness

Being close to other people means showing another who you are at that moment without holding back and with a psychological wholeheartedness. Closeness, as one of the two bonding poles, enables moments of security, intimacy and solidarity in an uncertain world. And it enables you to experience, beyond words and understanding, how it feels to commit and to trust. Now that sounds lovely, and yet it is exactly this which makes some people suspicious. It seems dangerous and pointless to them. If a person has experienced that closeness means that others exploit, are egocentric, unreliable, distant, overbearing, abusive, possessive, disappointing, embarrassing, accusatory, helpless, uncontrolled or uninvolved, who would then still desire closeness? If anyone experienced that someone states one thing (“I love you!”) and experiences another (“You are too much for me!”) then, for that person, closeness becomes very ambivalent. As many people must process such things early in life, they have a concern about being close. Inevitably, they pass these patterns on to their children and make living together with partners, friends, employees and colleagues difficult. They become distanced, unapproachable, cautious with people, they prefer to occupy themselves with things, like working a lot and have forgotten how intimate life can be. This is an occasion for counselling which pays off.

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