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Asymmetrical Emotional Position

Maybe it is a legacy from evolution that, as a loner, one often has (had) less survival chances: the exclusion from a group, the rescinding of a membership, is usually coupled with bad feelings, even when one does not even wish to belong anymore. Conversely, the offer to belong somewhere is sometimes experienced as pleasant or flattering, even when one has no interest in membership. In each case, though, most people experience unpleasant feelings when they are excluded from a group or a team.

Therefore, it is very challenging to formulate the exclusion process functionally, for example, during a dismissal conversation. Usually, most affected parties experience this as a burden. One indication of where the perceived burden might come from, can be shown during a search for synonyms for the word ‘exclude’. You will come up with the following list: to sever, divest, exempt, deactivate, eject, disqualify, eliminate, ostracise, remove, chase away, ban, push out, isolate, banish, push away, scare off, repel, chase off, displace, expel, expunge, drive away. Universally, all the words are devaluing, alarming, destructive-aggressive. None can be found, which only describe the process, or which let it seem normal and maybe even important. This should be kept in mind when a team operates within the guiding distinction of ‘team parameters’.

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