Outside-Person Regulation
The regulation of emotions and needs is also a psychological process whose decision-making pattern develops in relationship with the primary caregiver. To state it simply: Where there is no responsiveness, one withers. If you experience inconsistent responses, you will become confused and insecure. If you experience too much response, you will withdraw. If you experience aggressive responses you will be beset with fear. This regulation in contact, however, does not stop at some point. The permitting and the blocking of needs orientates itself to your counterpart throughout life. The same does not happen with everyone. This, of course, also applies to the counselling relationship: the counsellor enables and restricts with his person and the offer of contact based thereon, which of the client’s needs regulation patterns are triggered, and how easy or difficult the client will find it to engage with alarming or new forms of promoting or inhibiting.