“How is it that you didn’t know again what I would have needed?” A characteristic of impaired need regulation is that one hopes another person can actually read from one’s forehead what one would like. However, those who wish to get their desires should show and express what they want. This is so obvious and yet, many people don’t do this: “I would love to have more creative scope in my function as department manager and I just can’t get it!”, “Oh, that’s a shame. How did your last conversation about your wishes go?”, “Conversation? It has never taken place!”
When people secretly hope for the fulfilment of their needs, they usually fear getting nothing or being rejected. It is risky to express needs. Therefore, the ability to regulate requires the expression of the particular needs and the readiness to carry the risk that one may not have (immediate) success.