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Relationship and Avoidance

Preferably, you seek out people who have nothing which cause you difficulty: perfect bosses, dream partners, functioning children, happy colleagues etc. This strategy is chosen by many people, maybe not quite as strikingly and naïvely as described here. This is dysfunctional, because an ideal ‘other’ does not exist. Everyday common sense will tell you that. Nevertheless, people react to the disappointment that the other person is not the way they require him to be with withdrawal, criticisms, separation, silent suffering and sustained conflict. Usually, they are unaware that the desire for the right partner etc. and what is expressed in this desire, actually requires examination. The same is true when people don’t (cannot) enter into a binding relationship at all. This, too, can be an avoidance strategy which may be worth engaging with.