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Need for Uniqueness

The need to do something special (“That is a nice hairstyle for that dolly!”) or to show something special (“Look, mum, without hands! I did that well, didn’t I?”), is in play from the beginning of life. It is a central stimulus for feelings such as joy and pride, an impetus for making an effort, for acquiring competences and developing them. If you do this, you take a position, leave yourself vulnerable, draw envy or jealousy towards you and so must be able to handle competition and failure well. The need for uniqueness also has pre-conditions which are anything but self-evident. Not everyone has been able to experience the shine in the eyes of their parents. Many get support for that which the parents want to make of them and see in them instead, rather than for their own impulses and personality. Others must cope early on with their parents’ and siblings’ devaluation (there are many people who can tell of terrible humiliation and exposure). Ultimately there are many who have learned to dazzle and to impress too early, just in order to get any response and feedback from others at all, and, in this way, they have lost themselves. All these are not good conditions when expecting favourable things for showing yourself and excelling. This is an occasion for counselling which pays off.



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