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Narcissistic Dazzling

There are psychodynamic patterns, the symptom of which is a desire to impress (or having to) other people on the self-expression level. These patterns are frequently described as narcissistic. People who live within such an internal world have received little or hardly any resonance to their own impulses from an early life, but could always feel what others wished to see in them. Therefore, they started to show other people that, which conformed to the other person’s picture of them or their expectations of them (e.g. dad’s little princess or mum’s little friend). People who have had to play a role from childhood onwards to experience resonance, have, therefore, something very seductive, appealing and impressive in their body language, but also something vain or self-satisfied about them. In their own resonance, the counsellor often notices this, by falling into a kind of quagmire about whether they should find someone good or likeable. A subtle manipulation is perceivable, which does not operate because of what someone does, but because of how they do it. Metaphorically speaking: He dazzles. Those who look closely, can recognise the mask or the façade, the desired beauty and ideal. For a counsellor (or anyone) to overlook this is a mistake, because people with such patterns are often limited in their ability to make contact. They also find it hard to be loyal, to trust, and to enter into engaging relationships, which do not rest upon admiration and dependence.

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