Experiencing without the Desire for Closeness
What will, in all probability, happen in people’s experiencing when they barely permit, do not permit, or don’t seek closeness? As they hardly speak about themselves, but always about others, they cannot feel understood. Therefore, they build up very little basic trust in others. Because of this, they need a lot of control and often feel little flexibility and spontaneity, and they avoid dependencies. They are usually surprised when other people turn away (in their eyes, suddenly) from them or end the relationship to them. They hardly have any fear of conflicts, because they have little anxiety about loss. In doing so, they underestimate their explosive power, privately as well as professionally. The impossibility of surrendering themselves reduces the intimate experiencing capability and makes such people hard and lonely. Often, it is the environment which suffers rather than they, themselves (consciously). It becomes difficult during illness or suffering. Then fears and pain cannot be eased through comfort and support.