Deciding
Deciding means (not) wanting something. Deciding means that one relinquishes calculation. Calculation here means, that one lists the pros and cons, advantages and disadvantages of the alternatives and that one adds them together in the hope that it will become clear what should be done. If this functions, one no longer has to decide. Then the matter is clear. However, if the alternatives are of equal value, then you must make an act of will: “This way and not the other way!” Therefore, one has to live with the disadvantages, which arise from the lost advantages of the discarded alternative. Deciding always has its price. One always also decides against something. From this, one can recognise whether one has even decided. Then one is in the mountains and not at the seaside, one has the spacious car, but not the smart one etc. Deciding, thus, requires the willingness to bear the risk of being wrong and the willingness to tolerate the inevitable disadvantages. The more fear, feelings of guilt and shame are at stake in the deciding, the more difficult it becomes to make decisions and the more safeguarding comes into play. Therefore, occupying oneself with such emotions is very sensible for decision-makers. Conversely, through perceiving that “I am the one that makes the decision (and not an external rationale)”, one can discover that one shapes one’s own life. Please also see the worthwhile Ted Talk contribution by Ruth Chang, “How to make hard Choices”.